Ma

It's been just about two weeks that we lost Ma. I don't really know what to say, except that I really miss her. I remember waking up at nights, sweating, crying just imagining that she's not there. Now, it's not my imagination anymore: She really isn't there. Does writing that down in black-and-white help sink the fact in? I don't know. I really miss her.
This is a funny year. 2007. I did everything that I have been supposed to do, you know. Even sought out job interviews, and registered myself on stuff like monster.com and naukri.com. And didn't think twice when I was offered this job. Somewhere down the line, I was always thinking of Ma getting worried about it all. 'Settling down' seemed a possibility — and she was the biggest reason to even contemplate that.
9 days changed all that. In fact, even less; I'd put it at 24 hours, from a Monday morning through to the Tuesday, when she came back home in a body-bag.
I cried little, apart from coming back from the burning ghat and the first night. I'm the elder son, I'm supposed to be strong and responsible and all that. But what no one seems to get is that I really miss her.
Whatever I am is because of her. Somehow, her not being there makes everything seem meaningless. I really miss her. And no one knows how much.